Posts by Good JW

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Stealth - that's a wonderful commitment you've made! If my wife and I can't have children, that'll be our next move (adoption). I am a firm believer in the (better) principles of Christian living.

Mentalclarity - yes that's my problem lately; too much alone time (although I spend plenty of time with people at work, it's not the same as a close friend). Think that Christmas brought it home to me more, felt really out of place with my wife's family (we have nothing in common). Small talk is something I get a lot of so it feels like pulling out teeth now lol. Can't really get into it, it's just part of my personality. I'm the sort of person who's not affraid to ask questions and really delve deep into a conversation, even with people I don't know much about. Like you said about your previous life as a JW and the bible, it feels good to talk about something meaningful. That's never left me.

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Hi Flipper. Yeah a few others have mentioned too about as a JW you are conditioned to put life on pause. I lost sight of that fact, but remember now the elated feeling knowing that I can live in the here and now. It's easy to forget how much better life is now than before! Just the simple fact knowing that you don't have to schedule your whole week around meetings/preparation etc is enough in itself.

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Brokeback Watchtower:

I'm looking for the meaning in life but deep down I know that there is not a universal meaning for everyone of the human species, and that each one has to find his own personal "meaning", I look at it as worthy goal but so far even though I'm 65 I haven't nailed down my meaning for life, but maybe just the goal to finding the meaning of life could offer me a personal meaning for my life? Either way I need to keep searching for it, because I feel that it is a noble task worthy of my attention.
Facing the issue of total inihilation awaits us in death I think can be a good motivator for us living the most we can while we are alive if one can learn to turn off the anxiety or dread of dying and face reality.

Thanks for those videos, really summed up much of how I think. Generally been an "out of the box" person, never had too much desire to blend (other than for social conventions/politeness).

From a purely theoretical point of view in pondering life's purpose/meaning, I've kind of narrowed down my search to 2 main areas - that of love (which distinguishes us from instinctive animals), and personality (which causes us to express love in various forms). So yes, while love is a selfless expression of regard for others, personality is our way of individualising that love. Some have said that one must find our own purpose, and that's where individuality comes in. However, the expression of both together seems to be the ultimate combo (true freedom). It's only logical really; love is needed but true love cannot be expressed or received with gratitude by anything other than an individual. The more individual the person is, the more distinguished from an automatic/meaningless program they can become. The more loving they become (another form of beauty), the better they can fulfil their potential. All these directions/goals give the potential for growth = meaning/value.

May seem corny/hippy-like or cliche to most, or even leaving yet more questions...but I feel it's about the only redeeming value of life as it currently stands. Ultimately though, experience is the real litmus test. Talk is cheap :)

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Sorry if you are depressed, and I hope that you find your answers if that's what matters to you. To answer your question, no, I don't struggle with that. I have more important things to do in my life than wasting it looking for its "meaning".

Hi scratchme1010, I have some dark periods, but wouldn't describe myself as depressed. Definitely had severe depression in my early 20's but managed to deal with it through self help, supplements and the occasional medical treatment (didn't last last since I hated the side effects). Nowadays it's more like Winter blues, and I know how to stop myself brooding on thoughts that lead to the darkest places.

Partly I get down when I feel confused because I like to think I've got all the answers lol. Constantly thinking about life. Like to be in control, and am a natural problem solver. However, like I said, mostly I've become imbalanced from working too much (not left time for rest/leisure/socialisation) - and that's the biggest cause for feeling empty. When you're having fun with friends etc you just don't care so much about these questions; it just feels right.

Some have said in here that they don't have time/mental space for pondering life's meaning - I just don't get that. Obviously it's healthy to have enough activities/friends to distract you, but I can't see how this question isn't somewhat important as surely it shapes how you live your life now? Otherwise we're just "existing" (trying to survive like an animal) and that's it?

Admittedly, this same line of reasoning is a bit like "who created God" when a religionists says life couldn't have created itself. If I were to say that "surely life has an ultimate purpose/goal", then one could say but what makes that goal meaningful? And the circular nature goes on until one has to just say "it is what it is". All I can say is that there is truth in the whole "more happiness in giving than receiving", and at least for me that's one step ahead of "just existing" (doing what you can to survive).

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

I like the comments about finding yourself (now that you're free). It's taken some time for that pompous JW nature to wear off! I actually prided myself in being a pious JW, the type who would always be smack bang in the middle of the org (no double life). I had many JW goals, and came from a strong JW family of 3 generations.

What I find interesting is the facet of "letting my hair down". I find that difficult! People who I meet are pretty cool about it though, and find it fascinating (one lady said I was weird in a good way lol!). I attribute much of it to this whole act I've had to put on my whole life - acting like I had everything together, and was a "holy person". The pretense was so strong that even after leaving I still found myself lying to myself! Simply being who you are (warts 'n' all) feels painful sometimes. Afraid of people seeing your "nakedness". But this comes a lot more naturally to "worldly people".

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Wow there's some really good comments in here, much more content to ponder. Much appreciated. I especially like the comments from those who've improved since leaving, found purpose in giving, and seeing the love/beauty in life etc.

To answer some questions:

I've been out the org. for around 4 years now. It's been one monumental change after another, including many deaths in family (father etc). During that time my wife and I have almost lost our home. We've fallen out with JW family members too (felt betrayed after all we did for them). Pretty intense stuff (waking up from a cult, being shunned etc). Fortunately I'm still young enough (early thirties) to make something of my life, so there's that.

Some have mentioned about basically "doing stuff" that brings meaning - I'd agree and would generally have given that same advice to others. However in my case the funny thing is that I'm a highly driven person and already feel pretty accomplished (to **some** degree). In the process of starting up a business at the moment (for example). Albeit, I think that this ambitious nature makes me more prone to depression since I'm my own worst enemy - a perfectionist. I believe my main problem at the moment is over-working and imbalance (to the point of having zero social life). Got a one track mind that's great for getting things done, but very easy at becoming obsessive. That includes the study of psychology/philosophy. I get to the point of frustration, and almost feel like I'm living some cruel game and want to reach to the "next level".

One of my future endeavours (once emotions etc have settled) is to put my energy into philanthropic pursuits. Not so much in just donating money to people (think that's kind of "distant"), but more in ways of giving people the tools they need to improve their lives (ranging from cheaper housing to simple farm land in poorer countries etc). Or even some sort of organisation for ex JWs giving psychological help (something for every city) - that's something dear to me. Only problem is that in order to help I need to help myself! I need to have my sh*t together but sometimes fall prey to phases of hopelessness. This thread was more about feedback than completely "propping me up". It's just so nice to get a wider perspective.

Times without a caring relationship seem the most meaningless.

I think this is probably one of the biggest issues. Humans need to feel connected; we could do everything possible in the world (be brilliant at whatever pursuit), but if we feel "alone" it would be futile. You can be around so many people and still feel alone. Yet in a healthy relationship with someone (or people) it's like there's a cover-up hormone that dispels negativity - a switch inside your mind.

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Thank you all for the great comments so far, really appreciate it!

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Yes, I am.
Besides losing the hope to live forever, my life has been shaken up again (fall out from leaving).
I don't even know who I am right now.
I have no motivation for anything.
If it wasn't for my Kids, I would have a hard time getting out of bed.

ttdtt - so sorry for your hard times lately! Family fall outs are the hardest, especially if you were close-knit. I hope things settle down and you get some peace/motivation soon.

It's times like this you realise how much the ex JW movement needs to stick together. Heck even some form of "church" would be great where it's all about the community - no forcing of beliefs, just up building gatherings with speeches etc (reconnecting people who are vulnerable). All sorts welcome. Then people like yourself can bring value to the table just as before (some were elders, pioneers etc), except it's translated into non JW forms.

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls? When I left the JWs it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time I felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful. I find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly). There's all the banter/chatter about night outs, fitness, business etc but not much else that I found engaging. It often felt like this is all just a big huge distraction from the shallowness of life!

Is this because I was a JW? Or a pessimistic/over-thinking personality trait?

Even now I sometimes find myself pondering the "vanity of existence". I see people (myself included) seemingly living life as slaves/robots - going through the same old rut of work, rest, play (like a bunch of animals living out their instincts as if with some purpose)...rinse and repeat. When resting/reminiscing you talk about it as if it was meaningful and made sense.

Then there's the religious aspects. If you believe there's more to life than this, then the same "futile" process repeats then too. Work (improve your soul), rest/leisure, thank God, and repeat. No matter what stage you're at/belief you hold, there seems to be a "next level" to strive towards - and that's what keeps the person going. Now and then I look at it all and feel "what's the point???".

Sorry to sound depressing here! Just wanted to briefly touch on this subject...

41

An Active JW Sister Modelling For Me

by pale.emperor in

since leaving the borg i jumped both feet first into classes i've always wanted to do but was never "allowed" to.

two of which are life drawing and photography.

i've been studying for almost two years now and have seen more nude men and women in our classes than i care to remember.. today in the photography studio i was working in with three others (two women, one man) we were told we had a new person modelling for us.

Good JW

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